Thursday, August 20, 2009

For Valentine's (VERY belated)

I just found this post tonight. I wrote it as Cole was making my Valentine's meal, and I'm not sure why I never posted it. So, here it is:

For Valentine's day Cole is making what smells so far like a wonderful meal. I, as usual, haven't made it to the store to get him anything. Yes, I'm a terrible gift-giver. Every now and then I have a good idea, but the follow-through is really hard for me. I have a good excuse this year (I just finished my thesis yesterday), but even so I probably wouldn't have done much better without the thesis hanging over my head.

This year I've decided to get off my high horse for good. Since I started grad school (at the beginning of Cole's second year, Fall 2007), I have always given Cole a hard time. I've said, "You don't understand how much I do around here. I cook, clean, go to work, AND go to school. All you have to do is go to school." It has always seemed as though he has had an easier life in Tuscaloosa. I've been killing myself trying to do it all, and he's leisurely just rolling along without a care in the world except law school. This feeling has caused many tense moments in the Gresham house.

Since this semester, though, I've sorta gotten a taste of what it might be like to only be in school. No, I'm still working 20 hours a week. And I'm taking 12 hours of credits (9 hours is considered full-time in grad school). But Tuesday is my free day. I scheduled it this way so that I could spend all day Tuesday in the library doing my work. Ha! That's funny. I haven't spent a Tuesday in the library all semester so far. For some reason, it's so hard for me to get up, get ready, and go to the library. I always find some reason why I can't do it. Sometimes I have a legit reason, like a doctor's appointment, but mostly I just don't want to spend all day there. It's ridiculous.

One Tuesday I was thinking about my extreme dislike of the thought of spending all day in the library, and I realized that Cole does it every single day. And he has done it every single day since August 2006. He doesn't love it. He would much rather be doing 1,000 other things, but he does it because he knows it will be worth it later. His first year he made himself get up at 7:00 a.m. (even though he's really not a morning person), sit in the library all day studying, and he didn't come home until around 5:30 or 6:00 p.m. That's dedication. And to top it all off, he packs his lunch almost every single day.

Yes, I've dont a lot the past 2.5 years, but it's been easier for me to do all of that than to make myself spend all day in the library.

So, as of today, I'm stepping off my high horse.

(Added: I'm not sure that I've stayed off my high horse since then, but I've been quick to repent when I've whined about my life being harder than Cole's.)