During the day, I mostly stay home because I like minimizing the risk of a baby meltdown. If we are in the grocery store and one of the twins starts crying, it's not very easy to comfort them. What if the other one starts crying right after I get the first one out of the car seat? Then I'm stuck in the middle of the store with two screaming babies. Not cool.
To be fair to the twins, this has never happened. But the fear of it happening is enough to get me to stay home.
I'm a homebody anyway, so this isn't a great sacrifice for me. I think, though, that this has contributed to my becoming more of a control freak. Since we're home most of the time the babies can eat when they need to and go down for naps when needed. I don't push them beyond their limits during a normal day. I do this both for them and for me. I believe that babies need their rest, so I make sure they get it. I also believe that I need for them to rest, so I can have a minute to shower or wash bottles or just be.
Being home also means that I take care of the babies 95% of the time. My mother-in-law is very sweet and offers to keep them. For a while she would come over about once a week so I could get out and run errands by myself. My aunt has even kept the twins on several occasions, but day-to-day I am in control.
I know exactly what Ellen and Cole like (or at least what I think they like) and how to feed them both at the same time and how to keep everyone as happy as possible. Sometimes when other people keep them I worry that they won't do things like I do them. I never, ever worry that the twins won't be taken care of or loved on. I never, ever worry about their safety or that they'll miss me. I just worry that whoever is taking care of them won't know which bouncy seat is Cole's (the seats are basically identical, but there is one I always put Cole in...don't ask me why) or that they won't know how I usually feed them and how often I burp them. The list goes on and on and gets more insane.
I need to let go of this. New Baby is on the way so soon I won't have time to worry about trivial things such as which seat Cole gets put in. And I just need to let it go because it's a little nuts.
I'm hoping to have someone come to the house a couple of times a week to help me out so I can get more accomplished, and I'm hopeful that this will help me relax about ridiculous things. And maybe it will allow me to see and believe that things don't have to be done exactly like I would do them. Ellen will live if she sits in Cole's seat. They will live if they aren't burped the exact number of times that I always burp them. I can say these things, and I know they are true.
But things are just better my way. :)